Silver and Gold
by heronduckboys
Summary: With the cliffhanger in book five, I thought it was time to put my (most likely) optimistic end for Malec. Some smut in later chapters. Viewer discretion is advised.
1. Chapter 1

Silver and Gold

Chapter 1

At first glance, Alexander Gideon Lightwood might appear as a renegade teen covered with tattoos, seemingly out of place at a bookstore in Manhattan's trendy district that specializes on antique and high-quality novels with a cup of his favorite specialty coffee in hand. But Alexander, or as he preferred, Alec, was not a normal teenager, seeing as he, like generations upon generations of Lightwoods, fought the ever-necessary battle against evil in this world which has manifested into inter-dimensional beings better known as demons. Not that the average mundane would know that.

Perhaps it was the musty scent of old books that hung in a glorious haze around the shop or a particularly sweet sip of his macchiato or the memory of some distant joke or the thought of how frazzled Isabelle had been these past few mornings trying to make him feel human (well, half human) again, but Alec smiled. This smile was notable only because Alec had not smiled since Alec's sparkly, wonderful, sexy, hilarious, and not to mention, High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus, Bane, had slipped through Alec's slender, graceful fingers, gone into the darkness of the train station. He had not left his room at the Institute for a fortnight, and it showed. His usually casually yet perfectly tousled raven hair that was so much like his sister's no longer shone, but instead hung in a dull dark sheet around his face, which thankfully hid the almost black circles under his eyes he had gained trying to remember everything about his Magnus so he could always remember what love felt like.

He had become too broken to function in all honesty. It wasn't a surprise that he hadn't been out on a mission with Isabelle and Jace in quite a while. He most likely would try to get himself killed so he might see Magnus again if he was called upon, or if his mind was kind enough to grace him with happiness in his final moments. Alec had been shattered. There was no reason to smile or eat or sleep when you didn't do those things with your boyfriend. Not boyfriend, he corrected himself, _ex-_ (he instantly became nauseas at the word)_ boyfriend_. Instead of a glowing expression that had replaced the usual scowl, there was a bleak, empty look. Instead of high cheekbones and full lips that, though perfect as any artist's rendition of an angel, paled in comparison to his heart-shattering eyes, there were dead, dark pools where his eyes had appeared to sink in. Instead of a wiry lightly muscled build, he was a skeleton, appearing to have lost forty or so pounds in so little time. Instead of Alec, there was a living dead man.

An adorable fat tabby padded into the living room, which looked as if a grenade had gone of in, attempting (most assuredly in vain) to catch his remarkably similar owner's attention. The Chairman wailed, but this had no effect on Magnus. He was too busy muttering to himself in the native tongue of his youth, which he did only when he was very upset. Determined to gain some sustenance for the day, seeing as his owner had not been taking very good care of him ever since he became remarkably similar to a zombie, Chairman Meow bit his golden skin, which usually sparkled. Hard. "Ouch! Damned cat, what in the hell do you need now?" At this, the Chairman merely sat on his hind legs and sent him an extreme look of disapproval.

"Oh. I haven't fed you today."

The cat merely continued with his silent yet effective communication.

"Or yesterday, I'm sorry…I just…he wasn't like the others. I don't know what's wrong with me, honestly. I mean...he's just a mortal. And he's not even dead yet. Just someone that accepted me, truly accepted me, and watched Project Runway with me for hours on end because he knew how much I loved bad-mouthing all of the stylists and saw right through me with those damned electric blue eyes…" He trailed off, perhaps too afraid to admit out loud that those were the eyes he still saw every time he closed his own cat-like ones. Maybe if he pretended he wasn't going insane about losing this one, he wouldn't be. Yes, that would be it. He wouldn't think about damned Alexander Lightwood and his perfect eyes and perfect mouth and how much he missed him and how when he was with him, Magnus, for the first time in over eight hundred years felt loved and complete…and. _That's it._ He thought, _I'm going to forget him. There is no reason in falling in love with a mortal. Even a mortal that is perfect in all of the ways that it counts and might maybe be your soul mate if what you started reading up on while you were…an us…No. Stop. No more._

Chairman Meow, supremely displeased with his dinner service, bit down hard on his leg again, snapping Magnus back into reality. He bent to pick up the depressingly bare cat food bowl and fill it with the Chairman's favorite dry food and served the rather ruffled cat. And as he walked out of the kitchen to go to his bathroom so he could clean up, he realized three things at once without really knowing he knew them.

Loving a mortal really wasn't any good.

He needed to find the Book of White.

And it was time to pay his favorite Shadowhunter a visit.


	2. Chapter 2

"I see your…shopping trip went well" Isabelle teased, referring to the large box Alec carried that had been filled with some of his favorites from the library such as _Wuthering Heights_, _Pride and Prejudice_, _Jane Eyre_, _A Tale of Two Cities_, and _Dracula_ that he now held in his hands.

"Honestly, I really need to teach you to shop. I swear you wear the same outfit everyday."

"I have more than one mundane outfit plus my gear, thank you very much." Alec replied curtly, slightly more himself.

Isabelle simply chuckled. "Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. I'm making spaghetti. Did you know that-"

"Izzy, I'm really not that hungry, but thank you" Alec interrupted. Isabelle sighed, and knew that the small glimpse of her former brother that had pulled out of him with her characteristic teasing was gone, replaced by Zombie Alec. It really took everything she had to not violate the Accords by brutally murdering one High Warlock of Brooklyn that had crushed her brother's heart.

"When was the last time you ate?" she asked, almost not wanting to ask in fear of his response.

He pondered this for a moment. When _was _the last time he had eaten? "Umm…today at breakfast" he quickly fabricated, attempting to appease Izzy and counting back to try to figure out when he _had_ eaten. To mention it, when had he slept for more than two hours? He couldn't bring himself to care about either question.

"And I'm a Drevak demon. Alec, have you looked in a mirror?" Isabelle had immediately seen through him, of course. To her, Alec had always been quietly handsome, never showing off his looks, but they most certainly were there if you looked past the baggy sweaters riddled with holes and faded black or blue jeans. Now, he looked like a man that had been tortured to the brink of death. His skin hung loosely around his face, accentuating the hollowness of his cheeks and the dark shadows his once very beautiful cheekbones made there along with the depthless pools his eyes had sunken into. She wondered what he really did all of those hours locked in his room. Maybe that was why he was so…broken.

"No…you know I don't care what I look like." Alec replied, almost robotically. The only thing he wanted to do was to not think. He wanted to go to the moors of England and play with Heathcliff and Catherine. Anywhere. Somewhere that wasn't here.

"Honestly, I have half a mind to call a Silent Brother to see what they can do for you. This isn't healthy. This…depression…it's killing you. You look like you've lost at least forty pounds in the last few weeks."

"I don't care." She knew that he wasn't just talking about his appearance. No, this went much deeper.

"Alec…are you suicidal?"

"If I could feel, I would be" Alec instantly regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. _Shit, shit, shit_. This was _not _something he ever needed to share. Isabelle was going to call upon the Silent Brothers. _No, no, no._ The endless possibilities were flashing in front of his eyes, each worse than the last, faster and faster and…they stopped. Jace had entered the room, and was now clearing his throat. But it wasn't because Jace had entered that caused his brief moment of panic that was now multiplied a thousand times over. It was two gold cat eyes, which burned into his very soul every time he closed his eyes. But this wasn't a nightmare.

Magnus.


	3. Chapter 3

When Magnus had come banging on the Institute's door, he'd had to push past Jace to get to the ancient elevator to take him to where he presumed Alec might be. However, Jace was fast, but by the time reached the main hallway, he had already made out part of a conversation between two familiar voices…

_"Alec…are you suicidal?" _Isabelle's tinkling soprano had carried out into the hall. At first, Magnus couldn't process what he was hearing. What in the hell? What did she _mean _is he suicidal? Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. No, bricks would have been much kinder. Perhaps rusty mangled metal? _He_ had done this. _He_ had destroyed Alec. This was _his_ fault, just like every other ruined relationship. No wonder his father had tried to drown him as a small child. _He was a monster_. If he had just died like he was supposed to eight hundred years ago, this wouldn't be happening to his Alec. No, brave, shy, intelligent, beautiful, kind, quiet Alec was no longer his. And it was his own damned fault.

_"If I could feel, I would be"_ If the first piece of that conversation hadn't destroyed him, it was that. Alec's voice, Alec's soft-as-velvet, bell like voice that he tried so hard to remember so he could hold on to it after he was gone, was dead. Dead and hopeless and devoid of any human emotion. Magnus sunk to the ground. What was he doing here? Hadn't he destroyed the boy enough? Just as Magnus began to drown in his agony over what he had done to his one chance at true happiness, Jace caught up to him.

"Just what in the _fuck_ do you think you're doing here? Do you just _enjoy_ his pain? You're one sick fuck, Magnus Bane. You know that? You destroyed my _parabati _and if you don't leave in the next three or so seconds, I'll destroy you." Jace hissed menacingly, trying not to catch Alec's attention. In that moment, Magnus truly considered letting Jace kill him in atonement for what he had done to Alec.

But Magnus just smiled without emotion, still feeling like he was being burned alive over the discovery of what he had done to Alec. "You'd be doing me a service, Shadowhunter."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"That means, based on what I just heard of what I've done to the only true happiness I've ever experienced, I'd be happy to die if that meant he wouldn't be sad anymore. I thought he would be fine. This was for the best. I knew that he had to live a normal life, without me in it. I fucked it up, just like I've fucked up everything else in my depressingly long life. I found my _μóνο_, and I destroyed him. I _deserve_ death."

"What?"

"I deserve to die."

"No what you said about 'only' in Greek?"

"I didn't think they still taught you the fine arts. Too much time that you could've spent killing things."

"My father" Jace corrected himself "Valentine insisted I learn it. But you still haven't answered my question."

"It's old magic, very old magic. Unless you are one of Lilith's Children, you probably would never hear about it. An 'only' is a very strong incarnation of a modern-day soul mate. It means that he or she is the 'only' person that completes your soul, since they are split down the middle."

"And you think Alec is your 'only'?"

"I know it to be so."

"Then why in the hell would you do something like that? You know, the way you _destroyed_ my brother?"

"Because he doesn't want to become a vampire, and I can't ask him too. And when _he_ dies_, I_ have to die too. I thought that there wasn't another way, but…"

Something had dawned upon Jace "The Book of White."

"Yes."

"So that's why you're here? To make him immortal?"

"No, I'm here to try to get him to understand why I did what I did and beg for forgiveness. I can't live without him. He's the air I breathe, the sunlight that warms me, he is _everything_."

"And if he doesn't forgive you?"

Magnus didn't know what to say to that. It seemed like hours had passed between the mention of the end of Alec's too precious life, but it must have only been about a minute hissing things at Jace, who had now turned on his heel and gone into the kitchen. Magnus followed. He wished he hadn't.

If hearing him speak was bad, this was exponentially worse. _I instantly locked eyes with him, and I understood what Jace had meant when he said that I had destroyed his brother. _Because I had._ All of the carefully worded speeches, all of the forgiveness pleas I had practiced, all of the secrets I was going to tell him, all of the promises of our future that I would keep, slipped from my lips as I took in what I had done. I had seen dead men that looked far better than my _μóνο_. When was the last time he had eaten? He seemed to have lost at least fifty pounds in a fortnight. He was gray, his bones completely prominent, throwing shadows against his too hollow face. The worst part was his eyes. The first reason I ever fell in love with him, so sunken into his face they were almost completely masked by shadow. He looked back at me with an expression filled with such betrayal, loss, agony, love, and shock, I wanted to die, to do something to make him okay. Then reality hit. I had killed my own soul; I had killed the one person that would ever love me back in the same insane way that I loved him. I don't know when, but I collapsed, never breaking eye contact with the shell of the man that I loved. The Book of White slipped from my hand at the same time that any thoughts of asking him to forgive me slipped from my mind, along with my future. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

At first, Alec wondered if he was hallucinating or had died and his brain was letting him have a few happy moments before he slipped into the void. This wasn't a daydream. Magnus's eyes were too perfect, too realistic, and the look of agony upon his face was definitely not something he had seen in the warlock's usually very controlled outward appearance. The strange but exotically beautiful cat eyes that had come to haunt him every time he closed his eyes had now finished probing his body and now looked in horror into his eyes. The tall tanned man sank to the ground, not breaking eye contact. Perhaps two seconds had passed since he entered the room, and Izzy was now moving to stand protectively in front of Alec. He thought he saw something small and white fall in his perphial vision, but still wasn't entirely convinced that what was unfolding was really happening in the first place. After all, he had dumped Alec over one mistake. If he had cared and realized he was overreacting, he would have come to talk to him sooner. It had been weeks. So why in the hell was he here now?

Alec continued to search Magnus's cat eyes that he could so easily read with many an hour of practice and found a plethora of emotions pooling there: disbelief, hurt, loss, shock, concern, doubt, love (though Alec quickly reminded himself that this was certainly false), and…._regret_?

He opened his mouth to speak, but Isabelle beat him to it. "Just what in the _hell _are you doing here?" she spat maliciously.

Magnus still hadn't composed himself. Alec had never seen him like this; after getting over all of his confusion at what he read in those cat eyes, he had glimpsed over at Magnus. No glitter. No outrageous accessories. No gelled hair. No makeup. Nothing. After an eon of silence (though it probably was only a few seconds), he began to pull himself toghether. "My, my. Aren't you people welcoming?" It was obviously meant to come off as snarky and sarcastic as most things that came out of his mouth were, but his voice cracked, ruining the effectiveness.

"You're a _Downworlder_ in a _Nephilim Institute_, who might I add, is _quite _unwelcome, and you're pissing me off. Unless you're here on official and urgent buissness, I suggest you leave _before _we call upon the Clave." Isabelle had retorted without batting a perfectly curled eyelash.

"I need to speak with Alexander."

"The HELL you do!"

Alec looked between his sister's protective stance and enraged expression and Magnus, who was still sitting on the floor, looking utterly broken and a carefully arranged mask. As much as he hated to piss his sister off and did _not_ want to talk to Magnus in fear of breaking down and crying, he did need to speak with him.

"Let's go to the library." Alec replied, ignoring Isabelle's half-shocked, half-outraged expression. It'd be comical except for the fact he knew he would have to pay later in a very unpleasant way. Alec walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway with a careful gait and concise footsteps so as not to allude to his poor physical at a rather brisk pace which left him only slightly winded, not bothering to look behind him to see if Magnus, Isabelle, or Jace were following. Yet again, if Jace didn't want you to know he was following you, you wouldn't know.

After a few turns down paths worn into the once very grand rugs that lined the hallway and were committed to memory, he arrived at the ornate doors of his safe haven. As he opened the doors (though not without auditory protests from the hinges), the wonderful smell of old ink and parchment mixed with dust motes and coffee instantly calmed him, which he would need in this confrontation most assuredly.

The measured footsteps approaching Alec from the behind alerted him to Magnus's presence. Moving to make a fire in the ornately carved stone fireplace, he listened as Magnus took to the royal blue high-backed plush chair and matching ottoman next to the fire.

It was not until Alec had set himself in the matching chair to the one Magnus sat in that he spoke: "Alexander…I come here for two reasons today. The first is to beg, grovel; whatever is necessary to gain your forgiveness. Might I start off by saying, though I acknowledge that any excuse is a shitty one that I was trying to make you happy? I knew that you could never really be happy with me because I am an immortal, and that deprives you of your life, being with me. You could never grow old with me; watch our children and grandchildren be born. I was stealing your life, your already too short life because of your status as a member of the Clave. I see now that this…separation has done nothing to promote either of our well-beings, yours especially. I thought that if I left you, you'd forget about me and move on. Time heals all wounds for mortals, but not us immortals…we never forget. So I had to find a stupid, stupid reason to so you, in all of your stubbornness, would falsely believe that I could just leave you and be all right instead of convincing me that my way was the wrong way. I admit it. It i_s _wrong way. I know you deserve better than me, and I know that by forcing you into a situation you didn't want to be in warrants any punishment you deem fit to give me fair. If you tell me you never want to see me again after this, then I will leave New York tonight and you'll never have to set eyes upon me again. Please know this, above all else: I have met hundreds of thousands of people in my far too long life, and none of them, _none of them_, has ever, do, or will come close to you and the amplitude of my feelings for you. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I am completely and insanely in love with you. If you'd allow me, I'd get down on one knee right now. You are the first person that my soul has ever really loved. I've been with a lot of people, yes, and I know that it bothers you and I swear on my powers that I will tell you anything you want to know about myself and my past. But my past doesn't matter. You are my future. You are everything to me and I am so, so sorry that I ever tried to break up with you for your own good, not because of how _I_ died inside when I did what I thought I was duty-bound to do, but because you did too. I can never take that back, as much as I desperately want, no, need to. I need you Alec, I need your strength. I will _always _need your strength. So please, please…if you can, and I understand if you can't, forgive me. I can never atone for what I've done to you. I'll do anything you want. Just say the words."

Alec sat in a shocked silence as he absorbed this. _Magnus had lied? He still loved me? _And then, from within a darker, more vengeful part of Alec_ He destroyed me. Make him go away. He's just lying again, like he was last time. Why shouldn't he do it now? He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. Which was it?!_

While he warred with himself internally, Magnus gaged his reaction. Had he gone too far? What if Alec didn't forgive him? What if he thought he was lying? What if…

Alec looked up, his face a perfect mask. Magnus braced himself for the worst possible outcome. "Here's what I want: an explanation as to why you are hiding the Book of White, which I formerly knew to be lost, in your front coat pocket. Were you going to put me under some enchantment so I'd take you back? Attack me? How did you get it?" Alec's thoughts were going a thousand miles a second, and he couldn't process them all. He was suddenly afraid that the warlock had come to 'talk' to him to gain access to the heart of the Institute. _Damn Magnus Bane, I am so PISSED right now._ That made Alec pause. He had been numb, dead inside, not capable of feeling anything, but with five minutes, Magnus fucking Bane had drug out pure rage of Alec, which was very hard to do. It was like everything was sharper around Magnus, more colorful. Nothing was dull, like Alec. That's why he loved Magnus so much. Because he made Alec feel important and special and amazing and beautiful and…_I still love him. I will never love anyone else like I love him. _ The thought hit him like a ton of bricks. _Oh, shit. _

_Shit, shit, shit._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Magnus was a bit surprised to say in the least at Alec's outburst. He hadn't expected him to be angry. He rarely saw Alec truly angry, and definitely not to this extent. He was also very surprised to see that Alec had paid so much attention to his minor movements, minor adjustments to notice the Book of White. "That's the second reason I'm here." He smiled sweetly at Alec. "But I can't tell you unless you decide to keep me around."

Even though he already knew he _had _to keep Magnus around so he didn't go back to the zombie, Alec was still angry and wanted to take it out on Magnus. "And why should I?"

"Because you love me in the same insane way that I love you, with every fiber of your being and with all of your soul. Our souls recognize each other. I've never seen a pair of _που μοιράζονται την ψυχή _before us. That's one reason I wanted the Book of White. There's a spell that will identify if someone is your match. It's very old, and a lot of people don't believe in the whole two people sharing one soul thing."

"Magnus…you hurt me. A lot. I don't know…" Magnus got out of his chair and closed the gap between them in two strides, pulling Alec up to stand as well, wincing at how sharp his bones were beneath his t-shirt.

"Alexand-Alec. I need to spend the rest of my life you. I _need _you. You are the air I breathe, the glitter I wear. You are my everything." Magnus leaned in and as his eyelashes fluttered closed, Alec understood what was happening and automatically closed his as well. Magnus's lips were soft yet sent a jolt of electricity straight to Alec's heart as they brushed against his, then molded to Alec's lips, where they moved gracefully and the pair began to fight for dominance, each move of their lips becoming more ravaging. How long this lasted, neither knew. Just that both were flushed and gulping for air when they came up. "Please, Alexander" Magnus whispered against his lips, sending another jolt of electricity through his spine.

"Okay." And the dance began again.

After many moments and kisses that were necessary to make up for lost time, both were breathless. Magnus leaned over and kissed Alec's nose lightly. "I love you more than glitter."

"That's saying something for you. Maggie?"

"Yes, Sweet Cheeks?"

"While that was…enjoyable" Alec blushed crimson "What was the second reason you're here? And please explain about the Book of White."

"I'm glad you liked it…" Magnus winked salaciously. "Well…as we've established our souls are two halves of a whole, I thought it to be time to take this relationship to the next level. The Book of White will do that, and I got it through Clary's mother. Valentine had it and she hid it in the Herondale manner."

"Magnus, we've already have sex…what do you mean?" He could already guess.

"The matter of you becoming immortal." Alec gasped anyways.


End file.
